Every mum feels mum guilt you have probably heard people talking about it. It’s usually something silly that we feel guilty for and it consumes us. We tell our friends and they laugh and they usually say “been there”. Most days I wish I could take Rachel’s approach and not have the guilt tearing me up, one day maybe, hopefully.
Mum guilt for shouting
Every mum feels ‘mum guilt’. I feel guilty at least once a day. I have three kids 11, 3 and 8 months. Everyday I feel I am not giving Emily the same attention as the younger two are getting. Sometimes I’m ok and it’s just a thought. Sometimes it consumes me and I become irritable and cry over it. I know I am not alone on this as Helen also feels guilty when she doesn’t get the chance to spend one-to-one time with her twins, as often as she would like.
Then Fred plays up and I can go a whole day just shouting at him (obviously I try calming the situation before it gets to shouting but he can be such a wee shit) then the guilt trips me up into a massive hormonal pile of tears, again.
Then there are days like yesterday when he just wouldn’t listen to us at all, I made some D.I.Y Pavement Paints Fred picked up a cup of blue paint and just poured it out – I could’ve cried when Emily seen what he had done. It was that face that makes you feel guilty for being diagnosed with a sibling. I nipped back in the house for something and as I came back out the front door, there he is breeks doon, arse hanging out- Fuck he’s pooping outside The FRONT of the house. – thankfully it was just a pee.
Mum guilt is Maternal
There are times I am feeding Danny and I sit on my phone. I don’t stare into his eyes to connect like those pregnancy books tell you to, because maybe that’s the only minute I’ve had to myself for the past 3 hours and to be honest he doesn’t mind, he feeds with his eyes closed, unless someone makes a noise, eyes are open and his mouth suctions that nipple and takes it for a 3 mile journey before finally letting go. Breastfeeding mums… you know what I am talking about.
Mum Guilt is the feeling of guilt, doubt, anxiousness or uncertainty experienced by mothers when they worry, they're failing or falling short of expectations in some way. For many mums–particularly new, working or single mums–the variables that contribute to this phenomenon are numerous and intense.
Mum guilt is – Am I doing enough?
There are days we don’t get dressed, Emily will have half a jar of Nutella with some toast for Breakfast and Fred will have an Ice Lolly. Most of the time the ironing pile gets higher and higher, me and Tony both ignore it. As long as we’ve got clean pants in the drawers right? I feel guilty about that. Although we cook our meals from scratch most of the time there are days when I make a “fun” tea (Sandwich, Crisps, Yoghurt and fruit) Maybe even ice cream after. I loved those meals as a kid. But what if my kids see that as a failure?
Mum guilt is – Should I feel guilty?
It’s completely normal to feel guilty. Mum’s are seen as these superheroes that do everything, they are supposed to care and nurture the children and everything else that goes with the ‘mum’ tag. However we need to recharge our batteries too. So when we do lose all patience with the kids or take some time to ourselves the guilt consumes us. My husband is amazing and does more than his fair share around the house and with the kids, so I also feel guilty when he wants to go on his cross-trainer for an hour and I’m there hating him for it. Just like that hot bath I deserve; He deserves some time out too.
Read what our friends say about “mum guilt”
First time mum – Rebecca ‘My baby slept all night at 5 weeks old, I felt so guilty.
Marea ‘Coughing as I open up a sweetie packet, because I don’t want to share‘
Arlene at Mummy_and_rory ‘My husband takes over on a Monday so I can have some me-time but I can’t help feeling riddled with guilt’
Amy M ‘When your busying yourself and baby knocks themselves with something’
Demi at It’s The Good Enough Mum found it hard going back to work.
Stephanie ‘When baby wakes crying in their crib, because they had fallen asleep in your arms’
Seonaid. ‘I once gave one of my boys his ready brek with sour milk, I didn’t realise but the guilt consumed me’
Shanice at homelifewithusbarneys. ‘ I always wonder if I have done enough for each child, do any of them feel left out? Did I ignore one of their needs whilst talking to one of the others?’
Leslie – mum of two ‘when your driving longer than you usually do, unable to change them. You finally stop and they are soaked through’
Mums please remember – We are only human and the fact that we worry about being a good mum, means we already are one.